bitching around.....

hey2.. i'm back!!!! my life is gr8 so far... i tink that i'm at a stage wher decisions i made would affect my future.. lil' decisions like who i reali like n stuff... thats me!! not enuf w boys.. haha... u guys may tink i'm a biatch, bt i'm nt yay.. no la... huge decisions too... hmm... i'm still confused n scared to mk decisions u noe...
u noe.. abt me n 'F'.. i tink its just best we are nt frens because for a fact that stands that i hav a lil' bit of feelings for him left n for a fact that i dowan him n me to b 2geder again.. because i'm nt letting myself go thru hell again... n for a fact that my heart hurts weneva he toks abt gals n shit... i tink its best that we r not frens...... altho it hurts to tink or even say that to him, i tink its for the best of our future.. i can't reali move ahead wen i noe he's in my life.. n thats wat i dont want k....
well, i'm meeting my mom l8r... my mom n me r having a ladies' day out!!!! yippee... its been decades since we went out 2geder.. yap, 2 day's my off day/... including tml!!! yeah.. 2 strait off days.... hahahahahahahaha
i hav no idea wat else to write other than thank, ALLAH, my family and my frens for all the help that they hav given me wen i'm in dire straits or wen i'm in deep shit... tanx all....

life as it is on 30062008

hey2.. i noe... its been decades since i wrote in... bz n all..... had a new blog bt, nw not planning to use it anymore cus the other one, reminds me so much of the pasts...
wanna update? i'm a sigle biatch nw... yes, i've broken up w him... it was hell at first bt, al hamdulillah i got thru it wif alot of support frm all my frens.. they and me family have been my pillar of support for the 3 mths.. its been 6 mths nw.. altho, i still do tink, the pain is not as deep as before.. i guess i've come to terms with that... initially, i hav no intention on being frens w him... bt, nw we r like close frens.. real close whereby i can tok to him wifout any restrictions... my frens are so against me in contact w him.. including my family too... bt, i dont c y not.. n almost everday, i tink abt weder it is rite for us to b frens.. i feel like i'm sumhw restricting myself frm having anoder boyfren wen he's in my life... to tell u the truth, i feel jealous wen he told me abt the galfrens or abt the gals who wans to get to noe him... bt.. thats his life.. i hav no say, jus an advice if he needs it...
wen we broke up, the guy i was closest wif is Razi... he helped me alot.. told me alot of stuff and make me "recover" faster... he told me hw i should tink abt ALLAH and pray real hard wen i'm feeling bad.. he went for his reservist 2day.. n i noe i'm gonna miss him... i wonder y i do??? do i hav a crush on him?? haha.. amongst my guy frens, he's been the nicest and sweetest... i even rmbrd dat we made a pact that if i cant find any1 by the time i'm 27, he would propose to me... haha.. i don mind, u noe... i noe he's gonna b a gr8 family man... i wished that we met up b4 u went for reservist u noe...
well, on the other hand... i had e weirdest dream 2 nites ago.. i dreamt of this guy; i'm gonna kal him 'M'.. i tink i'm having a crush on M.. hehe.. its weird... i dreamt that we went out and he suddenly held my hand wen we were toking and i blushed, mind you, in my dream!!! haha... but at the end of the dream, i cried because he betrayed me.. i jus rmbr vaguely that he n his frens were laughing at me as tho i'm a fool and stupid... bt, i noe its impossible btwn him n me in real life la.... alot of factors contribute to it and i won't tell u y... haha
i'm a biatch huh??? haha... well... will write in again..

..life as it is now..

well, its almost a yr n 12 days since i've written in.. ma life has been damn hectic! phew.. poly life? sumtimes i wonder hw i managed to get thru' these past 2 yrs.. n speakin of yrs.. i'm in ma 3rd yr!! cant wait to graduate w a good diploma n find a good job dat pays me at least $1800 a mth.. hmm.. wonder hw? u noe, i've been tinking eversince i started my 1st yr in ITE abt weder i can get a job in the engineering field cuz i'm A GURL.. bt wen i was on ma way to skul 2day n was listening to 98.7fm(gr8 radio stn), they said over e news that they r gonna implement e new "law" where companies/employers nt allowed to discriminate race,gender,age etc.. nw, dat gave me my new hope..

abt me n saufee? hmm.. we r good.. damn good.. even aft 4 yrs n god noes hw many mths(lazy 2 count), i still love him like the first few mths of our relatnship.. its gonna b 5yrs on 120707.. well, he has started workin full time as a coast guard n he's started saving money for a car, marriage.. dat's wat i love abt him.. we've planned.. it will b 7 or 8 yrs more.. i guess by nw, we can save lotsa money for house, car n marriage.. nt plannin to loan frm bank tho.. cuz we noe that its gonna b a gr8 burden aft marriage.. so, my dear frenz, xpect a simple marriage.. nt xtravgant..

well, we've been quarrelling less nw.. very few.. dats gr8 news..

okok.. gotta do ma project b4 they start tinking dat i'm a useless ass in dis proj.. well, tkcr.. hope to write in soon.

common test!!

omg!! my common test is like 2 wks away.. it kinda suck bcuz nw we hav common test b4 our 2 wks hols wich means little time 2 study! bt, i'm lookin 4ward 2 the hols though..
well, 2day i have class at 1 bt feel kinda lazy cuz i noe the class is gonna last less den 2 hrs.. aft dat, go hm.. tues is the most relaxin day of the wk!! well, i'm turnin 20 in e few mths time!! hmm.. i could feel dat i'm emotionally changin.. i donoe.. mebe its juz hormones.
wen i was in my teens, i feel kinda scared 2 grow up cuz wen u r older, it seems diseases will catch up w u n all.. dats my fear!!
well, wadya tink? shld i b feared of growin up??

hmm..??

wonderin' wat i should write for this particular... well, my day was ok.. was in skul for like 3 hrs and got hm before 5 today.. was goin thru friendster and looking at my frens' photos.. kinda funny wen i c how much we hav grown(in sizes n shapes) frm pri skul frenz to ite frens.. every stage of my life, my frens have definitely played a big part.. the childish crying n quarrelling among us gals and wat i rmbr best abt pri skul is our performance on teacher's day. it was my 1st time on stage! i rmbrd the fabulous feeling being on stage.. dats y i joined drama in sec skul.. my life frm sec skul onwards had me being less involved w the malay community.. i rmbr i was a nerdy gal w long skirt(bt luckily no specs), respecting my seniors by kissing their hand, the malay's way.. dat was in lower sec.. bt wen i reachd sec 3, all i rmbrd was making tchers cry n being the most notorious class in skul even though we are express studs.. well, my defiance n laziness n quarrels w tchers lasted way till i was done w my 'o' levels.. i got D7 for almost all xcept malay. bt, i din't cry, instead i felt glad. y? hmm.. i xpected my results to b worst.. went to ite... met gr8 ppl dere.. i grew emotionally n learnt abt reality while i was in ite. in ite, i had 2 best galfrenz.. they were simply the best that's happened 2 me.. i rmbrd goin thru cryin due to boys, quarreling w boys n i almost had a fight w this guy in my skul.. now in poly, i feel i'm becomin more of a woman n startin to b sensitive to ppl's feelings.. :) well, readin this would most probably tell u wat sort of person i am n how i've changed...

...juz testing...

my 1st post in here n juz testing.. :)